Practice What You Preach
What is this need we have as human beings to categorise? To give labels to everything, and try and fit everything into neat little boxes – including ourselves? I have been on a quest to find a spirituality or religion that I agree with wholly and completely, and I realise now it’s so I can safely say – ‘I am Wiccan’, or ‘I am Christian’, or ‘I am Buddhist’, and so on. So far I have found much in every religion or spirituality that sits peacefully with me, much that my soul says ‘yes’ to. I have also found in the same places much that ‘feels wrong’ or can’t be worn comfortably. And so I move on to the next area, hoping to find elsewhere a religion or spirituality that ticks EVERY box, or at least enough boxes to allow me to sit in a room full of Wiccans, Christians, Buddhists, and feel that ‘yes, I belong here’.
How ridiculous that we only allow ourselves to ‘belong’ in places where the label we have given to other people or groups matches the label we have assigned to ourselves. And how restrictive! It’s not a game of snap after all! We’re talking about our deepest beliefs here.
I have a friend who has been Christian his entire life, and confessed to me that he didn’t agree with everything that the church he attended, and its members, preached and practiced. Now, I had happily given him the ‘Christian label’ he had given himself all these years, and it was quite eye opening to hear that my friend, who had put so much of himself into this church, and was such an active member, had given himself this label, and yet on several occasions over the years had felt that he too didn’t fit so perfectly into the neat little box of ‘Christianity’ as he would like.
He explained that he often ignored nagging doubts that plagued him midway through a sermon when the preacher interpreted a certain part from the Bible and his soul said ‘really? I’m not so sure that’s right’. Or when he watched other ‘model church members’ leave said sermon and lead very ‘unchristian’ lives until the following Sunday. Or when sat in nature, and a deep belief suddenly surfaced that a spirit was with him, watching over him – an idea and belief that is not allowed to be carried alongside his particular denomination of Christianity. He told me how he repressed these ideas and simply didn’t explore or allow them, because they didn’t fit in ‘the box’. Of course over the years, from Childhood to adulthood, these doubts collected into a mass until the point where he reached crises, and now he doesn’t feel ‘at home’ in Christianity. He admits ‘I don’t know what to believe anymore’. The guilt and the shame released by his finally admitting these collective doubts to himself keeps him stuck in a place of ‘faithlessness’, where he feels he has to climb out of the Christianity ‘box’, but is too scared to consider the alternatives – a new label religion or spirituality, or a non-label area.
“Like the bee, gathering honey from different flowers, the wise man accepts the essence of different scriptures and sees only the good in all religions.” - Sri Bhagavatam, spiritual text of Hinduism
In my search for a place I can call home, I’ve found there are certain themes which run through all religions, spirituality, philosophies of life, and science. All humans seek happiness, be it in this life or next. There is always a quest to connect with divinity in some form or another. There is an awareness of interconnectedness. There are also extremists in every ‘category’ that make it difficult for the mass of these groups to identify with the group without having assumptions made about them.
For example, I adore the spirituality behind Wicca. It is about having a personal spiritual path, and a personal responsibility to develop your spirituality by learning as much as you can about what you do and don’t believe. This involves reading books, recording your daily experiences, emotions and any synchronicities, recording quotes which appeal to you, any conversations which shifted your perspective. This kind of learning is identified as ‘reflective learning’ in academic circles and is extremely effective. Wiccans are also very respectful of nature and our planet. It is a very inward spirituality, in the sense that it’s as much about what’s happening inside of you and how that affects the way you interact with the world, as much as about what you do/wear/say on a day to day basis. However, I have no special interest in following through the practical, outward side of Wicca; though I find it fascinating, it simply isn’t for me. If I met you and identified myself as Wiccan, who would you assume I was? What would you expect me to wear? Or do in my spare time? What would you say my day to day life involved? Would you feel afraid? I’ve found I’m not comfortable in that box.
Another example is Christianity. On the whole I absolutely agree with the 10 Commandments, the moral way of life prescribed by the church. However I don’t follow these Commandments out of fear, I follow them because I think they’re right. And I know many people who are more ‘Christian’ than regular church-goers. People who may be shunned because they don’t attend the services, but who live every single second of every single day as kind, beautiful, helpful, honest, charitable human beings. On the other hand there may be a man who has attended church his whole life and prays every single day, but then returns home and beats his children (extreme example I know!).
My point here, is one which was made by a friendly stranger outside Our Lady of Dolours Basilica in Thrissur, Kerala, India – belonging to a religion doesn’t necessarily mean being a ‘good’ person inside and out, but spirituality does. Spirituality is responsibility to yourself, not an outside organisation. You do things and believe things because they feel right, not out of obligation to an external source. However a spiritual quest is lonely one unless you join a group which will often come with expectations. So you are often also left you without a ‘label’, and may struggle with this lack of identity.
So, it’s possible to be religious, spiritual, both, or neither. A practicing Christian can be both religious and spiritual, where they practice what they preach, and constantly check in with themselves to see whether their soul agrees with the advice and teachings offered by their church. But it’s not easy to do this, is it? We feel as though we have to be either or. Accept the whole package or none of it. We often feel like frauds if we continue to identify with a group but don’t believe all it does and says. And this is such a shame because it prevents so many like-minded people being brought together. People who want to be happy, who believe we are all connected, who believe in something larger than the life we see with our eyes, and who want to live well by others, and help them where they can.
I wonder then whether it is up to me to feel at home with those who label themselves differently to me. Or am I right in thinking I would be excluded and unwelcome if they knew I didn’t consider myself as fitting in the same neat little box as them? Does anybody truly fit in a neat little box, or do they, like my friend, simply repress any nagging doubts so that they can convince themselves they feel comfortable a little longer? If I ever find the ‘perfect package’ for me – I’ll let you know. Until then I’ll continue with the quest.
How ridiculous that we only allow ourselves to ‘belong’ in places where the label we have given to other people or groups matches the label we have assigned to ourselves. And how restrictive! It’s not a game of snap after all! We’re talking about our deepest beliefs here.
I have a friend who has been Christian his entire life, and confessed to me that he didn’t agree with everything that the church he attended, and its members, preached and practiced. Now, I had happily given him the ‘Christian label’ he had given himself all these years, and it was quite eye opening to hear that my friend, who had put so much of himself into this church, and was such an active member, had given himself this label, and yet on several occasions over the years had felt that he too didn’t fit so perfectly into the neat little box of ‘Christianity’ as he would like.
He explained that he often ignored nagging doubts that plagued him midway through a sermon when the preacher interpreted a certain part from the Bible and his soul said ‘really? I’m not so sure that’s right’. Or when he watched other ‘model church members’ leave said sermon and lead very ‘unchristian’ lives until the following Sunday. Or when sat in nature, and a deep belief suddenly surfaced that a spirit was with him, watching over him – an idea and belief that is not allowed to be carried alongside his particular denomination of Christianity. He told me how he repressed these ideas and simply didn’t explore or allow them, because they didn’t fit in ‘the box’. Of course over the years, from Childhood to adulthood, these doubts collected into a mass until the point where he reached crises, and now he doesn’t feel ‘at home’ in Christianity. He admits ‘I don’t know what to believe anymore’. The guilt and the shame released by his finally admitting these collective doubts to himself keeps him stuck in a place of ‘faithlessness’, where he feels he has to climb out of the Christianity ‘box’, but is too scared to consider the alternatives – a new label religion or spirituality, or a non-label area.
“Like the bee, gathering honey from different flowers, the wise man accepts the essence of different scriptures and sees only the good in all religions.” - Sri Bhagavatam, spiritual text of Hinduism
In my search for a place I can call home, I’ve found there are certain themes which run through all religions, spirituality, philosophies of life, and science. All humans seek happiness, be it in this life or next. There is always a quest to connect with divinity in some form or another. There is an awareness of interconnectedness. There are also extremists in every ‘category’ that make it difficult for the mass of these groups to identify with the group without having assumptions made about them.
For example, I adore the spirituality behind Wicca. It is about having a personal spiritual path, and a personal responsibility to develop your spirituality by learning as much as you can about what you do and don’t believe. This involves reading books, recording your daily experiences, emotions and any synchronicities, recording quotes which appeal to you, any conversations which shifted your perspective. This kind of learning is identified as ‘reflective learning’ in academic circles and is extremely effective. Wiccans are also very respectful of nature and our planet. It is a very inward spirituality, in the sense that it’s as much about what’s happening inside of you and how that affects the way you interact with the world, as much as about what you do/wear/say on a day to day basis. However, I have no special interest in following through the practical, outward side of Wicca; though I find it fascinating, it simply isn’t for me. If I met you and identified myself as Wiccan, who would you assume I was? What would you expect me to wear? Or do in my spare time? What would you say my day to day life involved? Would you feel afraid? I’ve found I’m not comfortable in that box.
Another example is Christianity. On the whole I absolutely agree with the 10 Commandments, the moral way of life prescribed by the church. However I don’t follow these Commandments out of fear, I follow them because I think they’re right. And I know many people who are more ‘Christian’ than regular church-goers. People who may be shunned because they don’t attend the services, but who live every single second of every single day as kind, beautiful, helpful, honest, charitable human beings. On the other hand there may be a man who has attended church his whole life and prays every single day, but then returns home and beats his children (extreme example I know!).
My point here, is one which was made by a friendly stranger outside Our Lady of Dolours Basilica in Thrissur, Kerala, India – belonging to a religion doesn’t necessarily mean being a ‘good’ person inside and out, but spirituality does. Spirituality is responsibility to yourself, not an outside organisation. You do things and believe things because they feel right, not out of obligation to an external source. However a spiritual quest is lonely one unless you join a group which will often come with expectations. So you are often also left you without a ‘label’, and may struggle with this lack of identity.
So, it’s possible to be religious, spiritual, both, or neither. A practicing Christian can be both religious and spiritual, where they practice what they preach, and constantly check in with themselves to see whether their soul agrees with the advice and teachings offered by their church. But it’s not easy to do this, is it? We feel as though we have to be either or. Accept the whole package or none of it. We often feel like frauds if we continue to identify with a group but don’t believe all it does and says. And this is such a shame because it prevents so many like-minded people being brought together. People who want to be happy, who believe we are all connected, who believe in something larger than the life we see with our eyes, and who want to live well by others, and help them where they can.
I wonder then whether it is up to me to feel at home with those who label themselves differently to me. Or am I right in thinking I would be excluded and unwelcome if they knew I didn’t consider myself as fitting in the same neat little box as them? Does anybody truly fit in a neat little box, or do they, like my friend, simply repress any nagging doubts so that they can convince themselves they feel comfortable a little longer? If I ever find the ‘perfect package’ for me – I’ll let you know. Until then I’ll continue with the quest.